Tuesday Things

1.) Since it’s the ‘New year’ the gym is packed. P a c k e d. Which annoying as it is (all these newbies invading my treadmills, grrr!) it’s actually quite entertaining. Since I have basically grown up in a gym (<—spell check wanted me to change this to ‘Jim’. It made me laugh because that’s weird. Sorry, great moment, had to share. Onward!), I have learned a lot of gym ‘lessons’ in those years. Let me explain. Here’s a few things to know when going to the gym:(feel free to add)

A.) Never run next to the man/women wearing barefoot shoes (you know those things that look like gloves but only for your feet). Why you ask? Because he will always kick your ass. Always. This guy is serious. The only reason he is even in a gym is because it’s far to cold to go running outside for 7 hours straight. Stay far away from his treadmill but close enough to admire how far he can run and in those little rubber glove sock shoe things for that matter. Also, he most likely will always be wearing the world’s shortest shorts with a slit up to his you know what. Shield your eyeballs.

B.) Don’t look at the machine screen next to you. Don’t! That fellow gym-goer will see you peeking and immediately the competitive tension starts. Unless you feel like ellipticing for 7 hours straight or until someone finally faints, keep your eyes on your own machine dammit!

C.) Grunting is not allowed in the weight room. It’s obnoxious and seriously uncalled for. Everyone wants to punch you and tell you to shut the hell up but since your muscles are the size of a small whale no one is going to say anything. Dirty looks ensue.

D.) If you aren’t using the machine get off it so other people can use it. Don’t just sit there and text your friend. I’m serious. What? I’ve done this? Yeah, so what, a couple of times but that’s besides the point. We are talking about you so knock it off.

E.)  The uglier you look at the gym the more serious you are. I always love the girls who show up in matching top and bottoms that are decked out in rhinestones. Sometimes they will be wearing pants that have writing on the butt; things like “pink”, “QT” or “2 hot 2 handle.” It’s distracting but don’t look, it’s only what they want. Me? I like to go in my smelly, grungy workout clothes that havent been washed in about 3 weeks. You know, they are still a little stiff from all that left over sweat. Awww yes. Also, I prefer to sweat. I’m talking butt sweat, armpit sweat, sweat so much that it runs into your eyeballs. Feel the burn, feel the burn.

2.)I had a date with my high school girlfriends today and I’m sad to say most of our conversation went like this, “Wait, WHO is pregnant?!…”Shut up, they got engaged?!”…”Get reallllll!” <—-yes, we talk like this. Long story short, it’s that time of life where people my age are tying the knot and popping out babies left and right. It’s scary and uncalled for at this young age of 23. I’m only concerned because of the fact that people my age are able to afford weddings, and children while I can’t afford my daily $5 Starbucks. Marriage/babies vs. Starbucks.?..call me selfish but Starbucks won’t will keep me up all night and broke just like a baby. Wait what? That wasn’t supposed to turn out like that.

3.) I had to go to the bank today and open a new account. It was great only because the lady liked me and gave me a free mug that plugs into your car to keep your coffee hot. I didn’t even know things like this existed!! Life is great. Also, while I was there her husband dropped off dessert for her just because. I decided he’s either the best husband in the world or he’s having an affair.

4.) During my time at the bank, I had to make 3 new passwords. Naturally, this stressed me out because now I have about 100,000 passwords to remember. Each time, it seems there is a new rule to password making- “password must include one number, two of these !!, seven of these $$$$$$$, and you must do a hip hop routine while typing in your password.” HOW will I remember all these passwords? I decided to make a Microsoft word document with all my passwords but immediately erased it for fear of someone breaking into my laptop and stealing all my passwords and cool hip hop routines.

5.) How great is this motto? “life’s too short to be so damn complicated.” I like to read it because it’s true and reminds me to not get crabby/stressed out over things like passwords. Here’s the thing: I stole it from a country song and that’s embarrassing. But I really like it so I might get it tattooed across my back…tomorrow. I’m not sure yet. That or a tweety bird on my ankle. Decisions, decisions.

6.) I had the day off from work today and it was glorious. I just want to say damn all of you who have these flexible work schedules. I’m serious. I’m jealous. I’ve decided to change my career path to girl who wakes ups around 8, lays in bed with 5 cups of coffee, goes to the gym for a run and yoga class, has lunch with girlfriends, stops at T J Max, writes blog, reads blogs, and gets paid for this. I know, it’s a tough life but someone has to do it! <—Me.

7.) I ate a salad today and my body literally thanked me. It was glorious. Which makes me think, I’m glad the holidays are over so I can go back to my normal routine of life and not have to eat another christmas cookie for about 300 days. Also, all you people out there who still have their christmas lights up, take that crap down! The holidays are over. Bah-humbug!

8.) Everyone should go read Bossypants. You will cry and pee your pants from laughing so hard. THat might be awkward, but it’s okay I won’t tell anyone.

9.) I’m still having issues with when to use your, you’re, and some other grammatical things. I’m over it and decided it’s just not my thing to be correct in that area. The blog will suffer but only in this area. This is a sign that I have been out of school too long and that  I have a  mild case of Alzheimer’s.


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